While we may want to eat healthier or maybe start using that treadmill for more than just a coat hanger in 2025, pests have some different ideas for their New Year’s resolutions. We checked in with some of the most popular pests to see what their hopes were for the new year.
Here are their answers to what is your New Year’s resolution:
Malcolm Mosquito: The wife and I want to have another 100-200 kids next year. We love a big family.
Cathy Cockroach: Listen, I carry 33 different forms of bacteria around on my feet. I feel like I can do better. I’m striving for 35 this year.
Randy Rat: I can hold my breath for 3 minutes. I want to get to a personal best of 3 minutes and 30 seconds in 2025!
Wanda Wasp: I’m going to catch and eat twice as many black widow spiders as I did in 2024. It’s ambitious but I think I can do it!
Harry Hornet: I’m going to try to stop being so aggressive. I really need to deal with my anger issues in the coming year. Just kidding! I’m going to sting people even more!
Barbara Bed Bug: I’m kind of an introvert so I’m going to try to go out more this year and hide a little less.
Tommy Termite: Me and my friends are looking to do $6 billion in damage in the United States next year. That’s $1 billion more than usual. Lofty but I think we can attain!
Merinda Mole: I can dig about 18 feet per hour. I’ve been working on upping my game and getting to a nice even 20. All those leg presses at the gym will surely pay off next year.
Marcy Mouse: There’s a bakery down the road from me and my 100 brothers and sisters. We will get in there this year. And we will feast.
Frankie Fly: Bzzz bzz bz bzzzz bzzzz bz bzz bz bzzzz bzzzz bz bzz bz bzzzz bzzzz bz bzz bz bzzzz bzzzz bz bzz bz bzzzz bzzzz bz bzz bz bzzzz bzzzz bz.
Sorry. Nobody on staff spoke fly. Let’s just hope pest New Year’s resolutions last about as long as human ones! And wishing you all (even some of the pests) a beautiful, healthy, and happy new year!
